Saturday, 15 October 2016

Piranha 3D (AKA "Piranha") (2010)

Just in time for spring break, an under water earthquake connects a popular lake to an underground body of water filled with prehistoric flesh eating piranhas, releasing them to gnaw a bloody swathe through the hordes of reveling college kids.

Thursday, 13 October 2016

Vanishing on 7th Street (2010)

When most of the worlds population suddenly disappears, the few survivors are plagued by a living darkness which takes any human it touches.

Wednesday, 12 October 2016

Possession (2009)

A driven lawyer, Jess (Sarah Michelle Geller), lives a near-perfect life with her doting husband Ryan; the one thorn in their relationship comes in the shape of Ryan's violent and moody brother, Roman, who currently lives with them. 
The two brothers are involved in a head on crash, and both end up in comas.
Eventually, Roman wakes up... but he swears he is actually Ryan, even remembering things that only Jess and her husband could know.


Tuesday, 11 October 2016

The Shining (1980)

A family move to an hotel on a mountain for the winter, so that Jack, the father, a frustrated writer, can work as caretaker while the snow cuts the hotel off from the outside world for the season.
As Jack descends into alcoholism and insanity, the hotel's decedent and sordid past is reaching out to him.



Reviewed for Horror Movie a Week, here

Monday, 10 October 2016

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2011)

A young girl is sent to live with her father and his girlfriend in the mansion they are renovating for a client. In the basement, locked in an old ash pit, the girl finds a group of small creatures.
Setting them free was a mistake...

Saturday, 8 October 2016

The Haunted Pumpkin of Sleepy Hollow (2003)

In the town of Sleepy Hollow, Washington Irving's original manuscript for The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow is stolen from the museum; in the chase, the burglars hide the manuscript in a wild growing pumpkin.
Meanwhile Nick Crane (a descendent of the man Irving's hero is based on) and his friend Kate are planning a haunted house attraction for their school.... And they just happen to pick the same pumpkin.
To make matters worse, on Halloween Eve, all ghosts may roam the earth... Including the headless horseman... and the pumpkin just happens to be a magical one; one that will allow the horseman to become flesh if he places it in his head at exactly midnight.
Assisted by the ghost of a civil war hero, Nick and Kate must keep the pumpkin away from not only the horseman, but also the bumbling burglars. 

Friday, 7 October 2016

Manborg (2011)

Years after the last battle of the Hell Wars, in which the armies of earth fell against the nazi-cyborg-demon armies of Hell, a fallen human soldier wakes as a cyborg. 
Captured by the demons, he and the gang of resistance fighters he is imprisoned with may together be one last hope for humanity... if they can survive futuristic gladiatorial combat in the arena know as The Terrorocticon. 


Thursday, 6 October 2016

Bugs Bunny's Howl-oween Special (1977)

Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Speedy Gonzalez, and Sylvester and Tweety Pie, have run-ins with Witch Hazel, Haunted Hotels, and a certain Dr. Jykle and his famous potion.

Wednesday, 5 October 2016

Shadow: Dead Riot (2006)

Sentenced to death by lethal injection, serial killer and rapist Shadow (Horror icon Tony "Candyman" Todd) prepares himself by sharpening his teeth, and carving arcane symbols into his body. During his execution there is a riot, and the bodies of all the inmates killed that day are thrown into a mass grave on the prison grounds.

20 years later the prison is now a private one used to house female inmates, and run a shady research program.

Shortly after the arrival of tough new inmate Solitaire, blood is accidentally spilled on the mass grave... and Shadow's curse is finally complete.


Prologue aside, the movie's first act is every inch the women's-prison exploitation movie, complete with an unnecessary and gratuitous group-shower scene, cat-fights, a (male) prison doctor who obtains drugs for the inmates in exchange for 'favours', and a (female) guard who coerces prisoners into sexual relations in exchange for protection - something which the governess apparently knows about and is disapproving of... but not disapproving enough to start disciplinary procedures of any kind.

I saw quite enough women-in-prison movies when I was watching the Video Nasties list, and I'm not a fan; coupled with the lousy production, lazy writing, and sub-par acting, I was more than ready to hate this movie.

But at around the half way point, something changes; when the ridiculously bad mutant-baby, and army of zombies shows up, and the details of the research program become clear, things go so batshit crazy that the shoddy production (right down to Tony Todd's laughable dreadlocks), Halloween-outfit grade costumes, and film-school special effect become part of the fun.

By the final act, when the film finally becomes the over-the-top kung-fu women vs zombies movie you never knew you needed, my disdain had completely dissipated.

Yes, it's badly made, terribly scripted, and just out right stupid; but if you can ride out the uncomfortable exploitation of the first half hour or so, and look past the over-lit and over-saturated look captured so poorly on consumer grade digital video, it becomes just the right kind of batshit crazy shitty-movie... and you'll have a riot.




Disclaimer:
If you look through the archives, you'll see that I've been using "Bought from Poundland" as a tag since at least 2011.


In March 2014 I took a part time job at Poundland.

In accordance with the companies social media policy, in September 2014 I contacted Poundland's social media team to check that I would be okay to carry on with my plan to use the "bought from Poundland" tag.

I have been given the go-ahead on condition that I make the following clear:


All the reviews on this blog are entirely the opinion of Will Tingle, the reviews are not endorsed by Poundland in any way and (as should be obvious from some of the more scathing ones) are certainly not reviews I have been paid to write.

In short: The views expressed in this blog are mine alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Poundland or it's owners, shareholders, or  management.

Tuesday, 4 October 2016

Pathology (2008)

A medical student, Teddy (Heroes' Milo Ventimiglia) is accepted onto the nations leading forensic pathology program.

He is quickly inducted into a secret society of some of the class' leading students; a society who exist to test their skills with a game.

The game is simple; each member, in turn, tries to create the perfect, untraceable, murder; Then they put it into practice, and the other players must try to determine a cause of death. 


Monday, 3 October 2016

Sunday, 2 October 2016

Ghostbusters (2016)

A group of paranormal investigators in New York finally get proof of the existence of ghosts, and develop technology to fight and capture them... just as ghost activity is reaching massive proportions. They set up in business as ghost-removers for hire, but soon find themselves facing a threat to the entire city.


Saturday, 1 October 2016

Harold's Going Stiff (2011)

A new disease, Onset Rigours Disease, is spreading across England. Seemingly affecting only males, in its early stages joints begin to stiffen; as the disease progresses confusion sets in, followed by facial lesions and a total loss of personality, joins by violent outbursts. Unsurprisingly the disease becomes knows as "Zombification", and groups of vigilantes form to protect their communities from the threat, or perceived threat, these "zombies" offer.

The documentary style movie follows Harold Gimble, the first (and slowest progressing) sufferer of ORD, and Penny, a nurse sent to help him as his joints stiffen, and he faces a decline into a state many feel may be worse than death.


Saturday, 24 October 2015

Devil (2010)


According to legend, the Devil from time-to-time takes on human form, gathering a group of people he wishes to torment, trapping them, and hiding amongst them, posing as one of them.
Stranded in a broken down elevator, 5 strangers are about to find out that some legends are true...


I do love a claustrophobic film, and 5 people in an elevator certainly delivers on that front; combined with the idea that one of their ever decreasing number is a killer (Satan himself, no less) there's no shortage of tension, and the movie does a great job of keeping you guessing, right down to the end. As with all good whodunnits, you'll suspect each and every cast member at some point or another in the movies runtime.

Friday, 23 October 2015

Psycho (1960)


Desperate to get some cash together so she can finally be with her fiancĂ©, secretary Marion Crane makes off with €40,000 of her companies money.
Taking back roads to avoid the police, she winds up at a run-down and near deserted motel, run by Norman Bates a quiet, slightly odd, man who lives under the thumb of his supposedly feeble mother.
Norman takes an instant shine to Marion; but mother senses trouble... Women always bring trouble...


Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Halloween (1978)


On Halloween 1963, 6-year old Michael Myers stabbed and brutally murdered his older sister.
15 years later, Michael escapes the asylum... and he's coming home.


First of all, sorry for the lack of reviews so far trhis year; Imma try to mack up for that now, starting with a long overdue review for Horror Movie A Week, which can be found here.


Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Scared Shrekless (2010)

Fed up with the Ogres never being scared of anything, the rest of the Far Far Away gang challenge Shrek to a scary-story contest, with the last to flee in terror being crowned The King Of Halloween.



Monday, 27 October 2014

Crocodile (2000)

8 teenagers take a spring break boat trip, where the local legend of “Flat Dog”, a giant crocodile who supposedly once lived in the areas’ lakes and swamps, may not be as mythical as people assume. Messing with the large eggs the group find, turns out to be a really bad idea…


Sunday, 26 October 2014

Berevement (2010)

Minersville, Pennsylvania, 1989; Martin Bristol, a young boy with Congenital Analgesia (a condition which prevents him feeling pain) is kidnapped from outside his home by psychotic maniac, Graham. For the next 5 years, Martin is forced to help Graham around the house, and watch as he tortures and kills women he kidnaps and brings back to the run-down meat packing plant he calls home.
In 1994, Following the death of her parents, Alison moves in with her overprotective Uncle and his family in Minersville. While out running, she becomes curious when she sees the now 11 year old Martin watching her from the derelict building.

Saturday, 25 October 2014

The Crazies (2010)

A FULLER VERSION OF THIS REVIEW IS ALSO POSTED AT A BLOG I CONTRIBUTE TO YEAR-ROUND.

Head to Horror Movie A Week to see what my friend Lisa and I think of the 52 movies we review each and every year.

Ogden Marsh, "The friendliest place on earth" lays demolished and burning.
Just 2 days ago it was an idealic, quiet, town... But something started infecting the residents, making them irrational and violent.
Before the first shot is even fired, someone is watching the town, someone with the recourses to monitor the town via satellite.
Why has infected the townspeople? Who is watching? And are they there to help, contain, or attack? And how will the handful of unaffected escape the chaos?

Friday, 24 October 2014

Silent Night, Bloody Night. (1974)

Aka: Night of the Dark Full Moon, Death House

In 1950, William Butler ran from his house on fire, apparently self inflicted (possibly by accident). He leaves his house to his Grandson, Jeffery, on condition that the house be left exactly as it is "As a monument to inhumanity".
Over the years the house lay empty, and developed a reputation for being haunted.
Eventually in 1972, Just ahead of coming back to the small town himself, Jeffery sends a lawyer to visit the towns elders, who have wanted to buy the house for some time. At last Jeffery is willing to sell - for a fraction of the market value - provided that can pay, in cash, by noon the next day... And suddenly a killer is on the lose.
Is Jeffery the killer? Has William returned from the grave? Why is the killer, clearly a man, calling himself 'Marianne'? And what other secrets does the house hold?

Thursday, 23 October 2014

247°F (2011)

4 freinds, go to stay in a luxury cabin, owned and built by one of their uncles.
Before heading to a nearby festive, the decide to use the cabin's sauna, but the door jams, and the controls are on the outside. With the uncle out for the night, water running low, and the temperature rising, it's up to the group to find a way to survive.

Back in Shocktober 2010 (wow, my reviews were short then!) I reviewed "Frozen" comparing it to Adrift, with a ski lift instead of water, so it seems odd that my first thought on this movie was "so, they've made 'Frozen' with heat instead of cold!", but, that really does seem to be the formula here.

What the movie gets right, is having an array of things the group can try, compared to Frozen's two options of 'wait' or 'jump'. This is exploited to the fullest by having someone intelligent in the mix - the main guy weighs up the pros and cons of every plan the group can think of.

Frankly, the lack of characterisation killed this one for me; in a movie spent mostly in one place, with a small group of people, those people are everything... Here, I just didn't feel their plight.

FULL REVIEW EXCLUSIVELY ON THE CINEPHILAICS HERE



Disclaimer:
If you look through the archives, you'll see that I've been using "Bought from Poundland" as a tag since at least 2011.


At the end of October 2013 I decided that all of my 2014 movies would be purchased from Poundland, and began buying up horror movies, to ensure I would have enough come October 2014.

In March 2014 I took a part time job at Poundland.

In accordance with the companies social media policy, in September 2014 I contacted Poundland's social media team to check that I would be okay to carry on with my plan to use the "bought from Poundland" tag.

I have been given the go-ahead on condition that I make the following clear:


All the reviews on this blog are entirely the opinion of Will Tingle, the reviews are not endorsed by Poundland in any way and (as should be obvious from some of the more scathing ones) are certainly not reviews I have been paid to write.

In short: The views expressed in this blog are mine alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Poundland or it's owners, shareholders, or  management.

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Stitches (2009)

aka, Sutures

A group of freinds, most of them medical students, head out to a rented house in the middle of nowhere on vacation, Where they are hunted down by a mysterious man.
They wake up in an underground bunker, which is being used as an illegal medical school,, where kidnap victims are given diseases or injuries, and the students of the underground school are tasked with stabilising them. Succeed or fail, once the victims are finished with, they are harvested for organs.

Savage (2009)

A forest fire is raging in Bear Valley national park, driving animals out of the depths of the forest. Including a beast most think to be a legend.

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Cry_Wolf (2005)

On Owen's first day at his post boarding school, he is immediately accepted by his new room-mate's clique.
When a dead girl shows up in the woods around the school, the group decide it would be funny to convince everyone that a serial killer is on the loose, and so they send an anonymous email about  a made-up serial killer "The Wolf" who, they claim, strikes boarding schools, killing a list of people in a specific order, starting with a townie (someone who doesn't go to the school) and then, come the full moon, different types of student.
Except, since sending the email, the kids start getting stalked by someone matching The Wolf's description... is it one of the group playing a joke? Has whoever killed the girl in the woods hear about the email and not taken to it kindly? or is it something else all together?
All we know for sure, is that next week is Halloween... and a full moon!


Monday, 20 October 2014

5 Souls (2013)

Sam, a man so deep in depression he opens his day with a one player version of Russian Roulette, is investigating the building collapse which killed his wife and daughter.
After a bad reaction to some vaccinations, Noah falls into a coma. "Waking" he meets fallen angel, Yusef, who gives him a choice; die in the coma, or assist the angel by killing for him, that Yusef can get what he came for... 5 Souls.

Sunday, 19 October 2014

Elfie Hopkins (2012)

Aka:  (spoiler in alternate title, Highlight to read) Elfie Hopkins: Cannibal Hunter


Elfi Hopkins is a 22 year old slacker and animal lover, who lives in a dull little village where the only thing people to do to pass the time is hunt.
Not one for the hunting, Elfi, With her best (and only) friend, Dillon, occupies her self with the 'detective' games she's played since she was little.
When big city family, The Gammons, move to the village, they soon have the other villagers abuzz with tails of bespoke holiday packages (the Gammons's line of work), and before long the residents of the sleepy hamlet dashing off to the four corners of the globe.
Or do they? Elfi Hopkins is on the case...


Saturday, 18 October 2014

Let The Right One In (2008)

A FULLER VERSION OF THIS REVIEW IS ALSO POSTED AT A BLOG I CONTRIBUTE TO YEAR-ROUND.

Head to Horror Movie A Week to see what my friend Lisa and I think of the 52 movies we review each and every year.

This isn't my type of movie at all. Although one of its main characters is a vampire, it has very few horror elements; indeed, it could only be called a Horror Film in the very loosest definition of the sense. Mostly, it's a romance; the leads may be 12 years old, but it's clear early on that their relationship is destined to go beyond friendship, into romantic love. And yet, I was blown away by this film.

If you haven't seen this movie, go and watch it. Although the following review qualifies as spoiler-free, I implore you not to watch it. Don't read the DVD case,  don't read anything, just obtain and watch this movie. I went in blind, knowing only that it's a vampire movie, and I strongly recommend that you do the same.

I have friends who read my reviews, but don't actually like horror movies; if you are one of those people don't be put off; go and watch this movie anyway.

Thursday, 16 October 2014

2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)

A group of students studying at sea for a semester end up stranded on a sinking island when their boat is attacked by a giant 2-headed shark.


Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Bones (2001)

In 1979 Jimmy Bones was the numbers runner for, and respected protector of, his hood, until he was murdered.
In the 22 years since, the hood has become a ghetto.
A bunch of kids wanting to make good for themselves, and region aye the area, buy a property to convert into a club. Unbeknownst to them, the property is Jimmy's old place, and the stray dog they find in the building and adopt is the key to Bones' return... Those who wronged him in life had better look out, and God help anyone who gets in between Bones and his victims.


Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Stuck (2002)

On her way home from a club, care-worker Brandy hits a homeless man who stepped out in front of her car.
Unable to afford a DUI charge, she panics and flees the scene, with the man still stuck in her wind-shield.
After putting the car away in her garage the man, still in place, wakes up.
In too deep to simply call for help, she is left trying to find a way to deal with the injured man.