Psycho II

For my return after a 3-year absence from blogging, I decided to select this year's movies by dice roll. 2 24 sided dice were thrown to choose a Style of Horror-movie, and a "scare" type. This is adapted from an idea shamelessly stolen from Random Number Generator Horror Podcast Number 9.

For today's movie, I threw a 16 for Sequel, and a 24  for Psychopath.

22 Years after his killing spree Norman Bates is released from the Asylum, a cured man. Moving back into his home at the motel, Norman takes a job at a local diner, where he befriends young waitress Mary, and offers her a place to stay following the breakup of her boyfriend.

But Norman starts getting worrying notes and phone-calls; it seems that "Mother" is back...

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Monster Squad (1987)

For my return after a 3-year absence from blogging, I decided to select this year's movies by dice roll. 2 24 sided dice were thrown to choose a Style of Horror-movie, and a "scare" type. This is adapted from an idea shamelessly stolen from Random Number Generator Horror Podcast Number 9.

For today's movie, I threw a 5 for PG/PG-13, and a 2 for Werewolf

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For one day every 100 years, a long-forgotten and usually indestructible amulet, capable of banishing Evil from the world, becomes venerable.

That day is fast approaching, and Dracula has put together a band of monsters (Himself, The Mummy, The Wolfman, Gillman, and Frankenstein's Creature) to seek and destroy The Amulet.

Unfortunately for the monsters, a group of horror-movie loving kids have just got hold of Van Helsing's diary, and learned of the amulet themselves... and now find themselves standing against the forces of evil.      

 

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Piranha 3D (AKA "Piranha") (2010)

Just in time for spring break, an under water earthquake connects a popular lake to an underground body of water filled with prehistoric flesh eating piranhas, releasing them to gnaw a bloody swathe through the hordes of reveling college kids.

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Vanishing on 7th Street (2010)

When most of the worlds population suddenly disappears, the few survivors are plagued by a living darkness which takes any human it touches.

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Possession (2009)

A driven lawyer, Jess (Sarah Michelle Geller), lives a near-perfect life with her doting husband Ryan; the one thorn in their relationship comes in the shape of Ryan's violent and moody brother, Roman, who currently lives with them. 

The two brothers are involved in a head on crash, and both end up in comas.

Eventually, Roman wakes up... but he swears he is actually Ryan, even remembering things that only Jess and her husband could know.

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The Shining (1980)

A family move to an hotel on a mountain for the winter, so that Jack, the father, a frustrated writer, can work as caretaker while the snow cuts the hotel off from the outside world for the season.
As Jack descends into alcoholism and insanity, the hotel's decedent and sordid past is reaching out to him.

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Reviewed for Horror Movie a Week, here

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2011)

A young girl is sent to live with her father and his girlfriend in the mansion they are renovating for a client. In the basement, locked in an old ash pit, the girl finds a group of small creatures.

Setting them free was a mistake...

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The Haunted Pumpkin of Sleepy Hollow (2003)

In the town of Sleepy Hollow, Washington Irving's original manuscript for The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow is stolen from the museum; in the chase, the burglars hide the manuscript in a wild growing pumpkin.
Meanwhile Nick Crane (a descendent of the man Irving's hero is based on) and his friend Kate are planning a haunted house attraction for their school.... And they just happen to pick the same pumpkin.
To make matters worse, on Halloween Eve, all ghosts may roam the earth... Including the headless horseman... and the pumpkin just happens to be a magical one; one that will allow the horseman to become flesh if he places it in his head at exactly midnight.
Assisted by the ghost of a civil war hero, Nick and Kate must keep the pumpkin away from not only the horseman, but also the bumbling burglars. 

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Manborg (2011)

Years after the last battle of the Hell Wars, in which the armies of earth fell against the nazi-cyborg-demon armies of Hell, a fallen human soldier wakes as a cyborg. 
Captured by the demons, he and the gang of resistance fighters he is imprisoned with may together be one last hope for humanity... if they can survive futuristic gladiatorial combat in the arena know as The Terrorocticon. 

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Bugs Bunny's Howl-oween Special (1977)

Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Speedy Gonzalez, and Sylvester and Tweety Pie, have run-ins with Witch Hazel, Haunted Hotels, and a certain Dr. Jykle and his famous potion.

Shadow: Dead Riot (2006)

Sentenced to death by lethal injection, serial killer and rapist Shadow (Horror icon Tony "Candyman" Todd) prepares himself by sharpening his teeth, and carving arcane symbols into his body. During his execution there is a riot, and the bodies of all the inmates killed that day are thrown into a mass grave on the prison grounds.

20 years later the prison is now a private one used to house female inmates, and run a shady research program.

Shortly after the arrival of tough new inmate Solitaire, blood is accidentally spilled on the mass grave... and Shadow's curse is finally complete.

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Prologue aside, the movie's first act is every inch the women's-prison exploitation movie, complete with an unnecessary and gratuitous group-shower scene, cat-fights, a (male) prison doctor who obtains drugs for the inmates in exchange for 'favours', and a (female) guard who coerces prisoners into sexual relations in exchange for protection - something which the governess apparently knows about and is disapproving of... but not disapproving enough to start disciplinary procedures of any kind.

I saw quite enough women-in-prison movies when I was watching the Video Nasties list, and I'm not a fan; coupled with the lousy production, lazy writing, and sub-par acting, I was more than ready to hate this movie.

But at around the half way point, something changes; when the ridiculously bad mutant-baby, and army of zombies shows up, and the details of the research program become clear, things go so batshit crazy that the shoddy production (right down to Tony Todd's laughable dreadlocks), Halloween-outfit grade costumes, and film-school special effect become part of the fun.

By the final act, when the film finally becomes the over-the-top kung-fu women vs zombies movie you never knew you needed, my disdain had completely dissipated.

Yes, it's badly made, terribly scripted, and just out right stupid; but if you can ride out the uncomfortable exploitation of the first half hour or so, and look past the over-lit and over-saturated look captured so poorly on consumer grade digital video, it becomes just the right kind of batshit crazy shitty-movie... and you'll have a riot.

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Disclaimer:
If you look through the archives, you'll see that I've been using "Bought from Poundland" as a tag since at least 2011.

In March 2014 I took a part time job at Poundland.

In accordance with the companies social media policy, in September 2014 I contacted Poundland's social media team to check that I would be okay to carry on with my plan to use the "bought from Poundland" tag.

I have been given the go-ahead on condition that I make the following clear:

All the reviews on this blog are entirely the opinion of Will Tingle, the reviews are not endorsed by Poundland in any way and (as should be obvious from some of the more scathing ones) are certainly not reviews I have been paid to write.

In short: The views expressed in this blog are mine alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Poundland or it's owners, shareholders, or  management.

Pathology (2008)

A medical student, Teddy (Heroes' Milo Ventimiglia) is accepted onto the nations leading forensic pathology program.

He is quickly inducted into a secret society of some of the class' leading students; a society who exist to test their skills with a game.

The game is simple; each member, in turn, tries to create the perfect, untraceable, murder; Then they put it into practice, and the other players must try to determine a cause of death. 

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Lizzie Borden Took an Axe (2014)

In 1892, Lizzie Borden came across the axe-murdered bodies of her parents.
The only suspect is Lizzie herself.

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Ghostbusters (2016)

A group of paranormal investigators in New York finally get proof of the existence of ghosts, and develop technology to fight and capture them... just as ghost activity is reaching massive proportions. They set up in business as ghost-removers for hire, but soon find themselves facing a threat to the entire city.

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Harold's Going Stiff (2011)

A new disease, Onset Rigours Disease, is spreading across England. Seemingly affecting only males, in its early stages joints begin to stiffen; as the disease progresses confusion sets in, followed by facial lesions and a total loss of personality, joins by violent outbursts. Unsurprisingly the disease becomes knows as "Zombification", and groups of vigilantes form to protect their communities from the threat, or perceived threat, these "zombies" offer.

The documentary style movie follows Harold Gimble, the first (and slowest progressing) sufferer of ORD, and Penny, a nurse sent to help him as his joints stiffen, and he faces a decline into a state many feel may be worse than death.

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Devil (2010)

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According to legend, the Devil from time-to-time takes on human form, gathering a group of people he wishes to torment, trapping them, and hiding amongst them, posing as one of them.
Stranded in a broken down elevator, 5 strangers are about to find out that some legends are true...

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I do love a claustrophobic film, and 5 people in an elevator certainly delivers on that front; combined with the idea that one of their ever decreasing number is a killer (Satan himself, no less) there's no shortage of tension, and the movie does a great job of keeping you guessing, right down to the end. As with all good whodunnits, you'll suspect each and every cast member at some point or another in the movies runtime.

Psycho (1960)

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Desperate to get some cash together so she can finally be with her fiancé, secretary Marion Crane makes off with €40,000 of her companies money.
Taking back roads to avoid the police, she winds up at a run-down and near deserted motel, run by Norman Bates a quiet, slightly odd, man who lives under the thumb of his supposedly feeble mother.
Norman takes an instant shine to Marion; but mother senses trouble... Women always bring trouble...

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Halloween (1978)

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On Halloween 1963, 6-year old Michael Myers stabbed and brutally murdered his older sister.
15 years later, Michael escapes the asylum... and he's coming home.

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First of all, sorry for the lack of reviews so far trhis year; Imma try to mack up for that now, starting with a long overdue review for Horror Movie A Week, which can be found here.

Scared Shrekless (2010)

Fed up with the Ogres never being scared of anything, the rest of the Far Far Away gang challenge Shrek to a scary-story contest, with the last to flee in terror being crowned The King Of Halloween.

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Crocodile (2000)

8 teenagers take a spring break boat trip, where the local legend of “Flat Dog”, a giant crocodile who supposedly once lived in the areas’ lakes and swamps, may not be as mythical as people assume. Messing with the large eggs the group find, turns out to be a really bad idea…

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