Shadow: Dead Riot (2006)

Sentenced to death by lethal injection, serial killer and rapist Shadow (Horror icon Tony "Candyman" Todd) prepares himself by sharpening his teeth, and carving arcane symbols into his body. During his execution there is a riot, and the bodies of all the inmates killed that day are thrown into a mass grave on the prison grounds.

20 years later the prison is now a private one used to house female inmates, and run a shady research program.

Shortly after the arrival of tough new inmate Solitaire, blood is accidentally spilled on the mass grave... and Shadow's curse is finally complete.

---

Prologue aside, the movie's first act is every inch the women's-prison exploitation movie, complete with an unnecessary and gratuitous group-shower scene, cat-fights, a (male) prison doctor who obtains drugs for the inmates in exchange for 'favours', and a (female) guard who coerces prisoners into sexual relations in exchange for protection - something which the governess apparently knows about and is disapproving of... but not disapproving enough to start disciplinary procedures of any kind.

I saw quite enough women-in-prison movies when I was watching the Video Nasties list, and I'm not a fan; coupled with the lousy production, lazy writing, and sub-par acting, I was more than ready to hate this movie.

But at around the half way point, something changes; when the ridiculously bad mutant-baby, and army of zombies shows up, and the details of the research program become clear, things go so batshit crazy that the shoddy production (right down to Tony Todd's laughable dreadlocks), Halloween-outfit grade costumes, and film-school special effect become part of the fun.

By the final act, when the film finally becomes the over-the-top kung-fu women vs zombies movie you never knew you needed, my disdain had completely dissipated.

Yes, it's badly made, terribly scripted, and just out right stupid; but if you can ride out the uncomfortable exploitation of the first half hour or so, and look past the over-lit and over-saturated look captured so poorly on consumer grade digital video, it becomes just the right kind of batshit crazy shitty-movie... and you'll have a riot.

---

Disclaimer:
If you look through the archives, you'll see that I've been using "Bought from Poundland" as a tag since at least 2011.

In March 2014 I took a part time job at Poundland.

In accordance with the companies social media policy, in September 2014 I contacted Poundland's social media team to check that I would be okay to carry on with my plan to use the "bought from Poundland" tag.

I have been given the go-ahead on condition that I make the following clear:

All the reviews on this blog are entirely the opinion of Will Tingle, the reviews are not endorsed by Poundland in any way and (as should be obvious from some of the more scathing ones) are certainly not reviews I have been paid to write.

In short: The views expressed in this blog are mine alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Poundland or it's owners, shareholders, or  management.

Berevement (2010)

Minersville, Pennsylvania, 1989; Martin Bristol, a young boy with Congenital Analgesia (a condition which prevents him feeling pain) is kidnapped from outside his home by psychotic maniac, Graham. For the next 5 years, Martin is forced to help Graham around the house, and watch as he tortures and kills women he kidnaps and brings back to the run-down meat packing plant he calls home.
In 1994, Following the death of her parents, Alison moves in with her overprotective Uncle and his family in Minersville. While out running, she becomes curious when she sees the now 11 year old Martin watching her from the derelict building.

---

2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)

A group of students studying at sea for a semester end up stranded on a sinking island when their boat is attacked by a giant 2-headed shark.

---

Monster (2008)

In 2003 Tokyo suffered an earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale, killing more than 7,000 people. The incident was captured on film by two American film makers.But it wasn't an earquake...

---

Theatre of Fear (2014)

Aka The Midnight Horror Show.

Meet ringmaster Dr. Deimos Moreau, his daughter Venus, and his sons Apollo, Janus, and Trinculo, a traveling family who tour thier underground adult cabaret act, The Midnight Horror Show, around Britain.
Venus and Apollo can't stop bickering. Trinculo, who wears his clown make-up per entangle to hide his scars, is desperately trying to start a relationship with a girl he's just met. Janus, who is either unbalanced or his ventriloquist dummy really does talk to him, has secretly signed with a talent agent and is looking to break out of the family business and make it big. To make matters worse, the rich father of one of the families previous victims has sent a detective/hitman to track them down and kill them slowly.

---

The Bogus Witch Project (2000)

Tonight on TV Chanel "The Woods"; 6 short films, all spoofs of "The Blair Witch Project", separated by commercials.

---

The Cave. (2005)

When archeologists discover a complex cave and river system under the ruins of an abbey, a team of underwater caving experts are brought in to explore.
It isn't long before something living in the shadows starts to pick off the team.

---

El Chupacabra (2003)

A captured chupacabra destined for a research lab is accidentally released in Los Angeles, and a hired good is sent to recapture it.

Meanwhile, a skeptical animal control officer investigating a series of animal mutilations is approached by an author and cryptozoologist who claims the culprit can only be a chupacabra, and a pair of police detectives investigate a grizzly murder, in which they believe the victim was mutilated by a psychopath with a modified garden rake.

---

Darklands (1998)

A reporter looks into a series of animal sacrifices in Wales, and is also asked to look into the death of a man in the steelworks.
He begins to suspect the two cases are related, and us drawn into a world of nationalism and religious cults. 

---

The Dead Undead (2010)

A group if teens arrive at an abandoned motel, only to be attacked by zombies.
Thankfully help is at hand, in the form of a group of zombie fighting vampire mercenaries. 

---

Street Trash (1988)

THIS REVIEW IS ALSO POSTED AT THE BLOG I CONTRIBUTE TO YEAR-ROUND.

Head to HorrorMovieAWeek.co.uk to see what my freind Lisa thinks about this film, and the rest of the 52 movies we review each and every year.

---

When a liquor store owner finds a crate of an unknown drink, Viper, in a hidden compartment in his cellar, he decides to sell it at $1 a bottle to the local homeless population.
One problem... Anyone who drinks the Viper, melts into neon coloured slime. 

---

KFZ: Kentucky Fried Zombies (aka: DIEner... Get it?) (2012)

Unassuming serial killer, Ken, stops in at a near-deserted roadside diner, and kills Rose and Fred, the waitress and Chef.
While he's clearing away the bodies, a couple arrive to use the diner, and before he can kill them, the local Sheriff stops by for a coffee, so Ken poses as a new employee of the diner.
All is going relatively smoothly, until the sheriff spots Fred in the back room... Walking around. 

---

Warwolves (2009)

After being cornered and attacked by a 'dog man' while on manoeuvres in the Middle East, a squad of 3 men and women of the Army started experiencing changes; Heightened senses, increase strength and agility... And blood lust.
One of the men kills himself, while another, Jake Gabriel, gives himself a change of name, and starts a new life as a mini-mart worker, suppressing the changes, and the memory, with a cocktail of drink and drugs.
Unfortunately for Jake, the rest if his pack aren't ready to give up on him. 

---

First of all, if you are a werewolf on the run, do not change your name to Lawrence Talbot. It's not clever, and in the real world, it would probably make you easy to find. 

Secondly, if you are writing a low-budget SyFy original about wear wolves, do not invoke the name Lawrence Talbot. It is not wise to remind your viewers of a better movie. 

Lifeforce

A manned mission to examine Halley's comet finds an alien craft traveling in it's wake.
Aboard the craft are thousands of dead bat like creatures, and 3 apparently human creatures - 2 men and a woman, each in stasis chambers, which are removed and placed aboard the shuttle.
When the shuttle crash lands, the crew are dead and the in-flight records wiped, Things go further awry when the 3 beings from the alien craft awaken...

---

The Revenge of Billy the Kid

The McDonald's, Ma and Pa (Gretta and Giles) and their three adult children (Sons Ronald and Ronald, and daughter, Ronald "Ronnie") are the sole inhabitants of a farm island just off the coast of England.
When the family goat starts waning on her milk production, Giles is instructed to take her to the mainland and get her 'a good seeing to' - drunk (as always) on his home made scrumpy, he takes a shine to the goat, and saves them both a boat ride...
When the mutant goat baby is born, Ronald (the girl Ronald - do
Keep up) stops her father from killing him, and names him Billy.
When Pa has finally had enough of Billy's antics, he drowns him in a sack in the lake.
But Billy didn't die...

---

Granny

While a group of well-to-do 20-something are holding a get-together to welcome a new member, the conversation turns to fears.
The host announces that he has prepared a "skit" to demonstrate his fear, and asks everyone to leave while he sets everything up.
On returning, the group are terrorised by someone in an old-lady dress and novelty-store old lady mask.

---

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

WARNING:
although this movie has been tagged as "Recommended" I am not claiming it is a "good" film. It is not. 
I do, however, strongly suggest you see it, and it is so utterly... mad, that it would be a shame to miss it.

A demoniacally charged bed eats people while the soul of a man watches from his own personal limbo behind a painting in the same basement.
Although it's been years since the bed last ate enough to be satisfied, there is something about one of the three girls who have stepped into it's lair that makes it reticent to make a meal of her.

---

Troll 2

Oh my Goooooooooooooooooooooooood.

That was appalling!

To be fair, I watched this movie in completely the wrong way: Sober and alone. This is a film that requires friends and booze!