Dead Snow

A group of friends head off to a cabin in the Swiss alps to spend the weekend skiing. When they discover a box of stolen war era gold, they unwittingly awaken a Nazi Zombie army.

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No Man's Land: Rise of the Reeker (Reeker 2)

An outgoing Sheriff and his son (the incoming sheriff) are talking shop at a diner/motel when 3 casino robbers arrive.
It isn't long before both groups are terrorised by the foul smelling ghost of a serial killer that the sheriff captured 30 years ago.

Reeker

5 youths on a car-share trip to a rave in the desert find themselves stranded in an abandoned cafe / motel, with no mobile, landline, television or even radio signal.
They begin to get fleeting glances people so injured that they should by rights be dead, and are then stalked by a man/creature that reeks of death, and carries an assortment of modified power-tools

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The Woman in Black

4 years after his wife died during childbirth, struggling lawyer Arthur Kips (Daniel Radcliffe) is sent to a small remote town to obtain the paperwork that his company may settle an estate by selling a large manor house.
Upon arrival, the locals are obviously not keen to have Arthur around but, despite every on stick the townsfolk throw at him, Arthur is determined to do his job in time for his son and his nanny to join him for a break in the country.
Upon arrival at the Manor, it is clear that something is amiss, and it becomes quickly apparent that the house is haunted...

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I Spit On Your Grave (2010 Remake)

Jennifer Hill rents a remote cabin near a lake, in order to get some solitude while she writes a novel.
On her way into town, she attracts the attention of the town lowlife; 3 guys who work at the gas station.
One night, liquored up in the woods, the men decide that Jennifer is a "Stuck up City Bitch" who is "Desperate for it"; they decide that she needs to be "taught a lesson" and so they take their retarded friend Matthew, who has met Jennifer and has a bit of a thing for her, around to her cabin, where they rape, beat and humiliate her, then leave her for dead.
A month later, Jenifer returns; she has been keeping herself alive in the woods and has occupied her mind with one thought: Revenge!

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The Thompsons (The Hamiltons 2)

Impossible to review, or even describe properly, without huge Hamiltons spoiler; so a very brief (spoiler free) review will proceed the full review, which will use invisitext (Highlight the orange boxes like this one to read in full, but you  probably shouldn't do that until you've seen The Hamiltons.

I was on the fence about the first film; done properly a sequel could have elevated both films into a recommendation sadly (although understandably) the sequel goes off in it's own direction.
Unfortunately, after a promising first half, quickly drowns in it's own mythology and becomes a tired teen-romance to boot.

FROM THIS POINT ON  THERE WILL BE SPOILERS FOR THE ORIGINAL MOVIE. THEY ARE HIDDEN BEHIND INVISITEXT, LIKE THIS, BUT REMEMBER THAT INVISITEXT DOES NOT WORK ON MOBILE DEVICES

IF YOU CAN READ THIS WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING INVISITEXT DOES NOT WORK ON YOUR DEVICE, AND YOU WILL SEE THE SPOILERS.

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Monster Brawl.

For the first time ever, 8 monsters are brought together to wrestle to the death, and determine the undisputed 'Monster Brawl Heavyweight Champion'.

Wrestling! Monsters! Jimmy 'The Mouth of the South' Heart... As himself!

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Inbred

4 troubled teen on probation are taken on a team building weekend to a remote village, where it's clear the locals aren't used to outsiders.
A relatively minor incident with a few local youths soon escalates into a nightmare.

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The Hamiltons

When their parents are killed in a tragic accident, eldest Hamilton sibling David relocates  the surviving family members to a quiet California suburb and assumes the responsibility of caring for his orphaned siblings Twins, Wendell and Darlene, and youngest sibling Francis.
Francis sets out preparing a school project about his family and it is through his lens that we begin to realise  that something is very wrong in the Hamilton household...

Cabin in the Woods

Partial synopsis (explanation as to why only partial, after the synopsis):

A group of 5 college kids (A Jock, his slightly dippy girlfriend, her book-smart "good-girl" freind, a stoner, and the Jock's friend who's new to the area) go off to a remote cabin in the woods for a weekend of partying and hanging out. After ignoring the thinly veiled warnings of a creepy old local they meet at the near-abandoned gas station, they arrive to find the cabin is run down and spooky, but they stay anyway.
Bad things happen.
Sound familiar? It should!
Think you know the story? You don't!

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One Eyed Monster

The opening of the movie tell us that:

"In February 2007, ten people went to the remote mountains of Northern California to shoot an adult movie. What happened next was something no one expected, but everyone saw coming."

Which is a coy/funny way of saying

Ron Jeremy (playing himself) gets hit by something from space; at first he seems fine, but then his penis becomes detached, and goes on a killing spree.

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Last House on the left (2009 Remake)

While staying in her family's summer house, Mari goes to meet her friend, Paige, in town, together they go back to a motel with Justin, a boy they just met, to smoke some weed.
Unfortunately Justin's father, Krugg, along with his brother and girlfriend (who just hijacked the police transport vehicle that was taking Krugg to prison)  return to the motel earlier than expected.
The gang torture the girls, rape them and leave them for dead, then stranded by a storm in the middle of nowhere, go to the nearest house they can find to seek shelter.
Little do the gang know, the house is Mari's parent's summer house... and when they work out what has happened to their daughter, and who is responsible they do what any good parents would... they take justice into their own hands.

The Descent: Part 2 (aka "The De2cent")

Note: For the first time this year, I'm going to give a very quick one-line review BEFORE the synopsis; this is because the synopsis has big spoilers for the excellent 1st movie.

One line review: Enjoyable enough, but lacking all the elements that made the first film excellent, The Descent 2 feels like less of a sequel, and more like a Platinum Dunes remake of the first one.

SPOILERS FOR "THE DESCENT"  (But not "The Descent: part 2") FOLLOW:

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The Descent.

Partial synopsis (seriously, don't read a full synopsis until you have seen the movie: don't even read the back of the damn DVD case):

Six women go on a caving holiday, and things go wrong. Hundreds of feet underground, with no hope of rescue, it is up to them to try to save themselves and find their own way back to the surface.

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Dream House

Top publisher, Will Atenten (Daniel Craig), his wife, Libby, and two daughters, Trish and Dee Dee, move to a new house, It's not long before they learn that the previous occupants were killed.
The case went down as "Unsolved" but suspicion fell on the family's father, Peter Ward... who has recently been released from the institute where he has spent the last 5 years.
Meanwhile, The Atenten girls are convinced that someone is watching them from outside the house, and the more Will finds out about the previous residents; the worse it gets.
Did Ward kill his family? Is that Who is watching? or is the real killer also out there?

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Fido

In an alternate, post zombie-wars 1950's, The robinsons have finally become the last on their street to get their very own Zombie (fitted, of course, with a Zomcom domestication collar).
While Mr. Robinson remains wary of the Zombie, it isn't long before he wins the hearts of first little Timmy, and later Mrs. Robinson.
The heartwarming tale of one boy and his Zombie, Fido is a lot like Lassie .. if Lassie had been a 6' tall male human zombie... not a collie.

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Strangeland (AKA Dee Snider's Strangeland)

When a couple of girls go online looking for a party and get chatting to Capt. Howdy (Snider), they get more than they bargained for.
His profile lists Howdy as a college student into R&B, Hip-Hop and snow boarding... Reality has him as a sadistic 'modern savage', who lures people into his basement to 'help' them evolve spiritually through various rights of passage... including tattoos, branding, piercing, scarification, and suspension.

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Attack the Block

When a gang of hoodies are interrupted mid-mugging by an unknown animal falling from the sky, they respond by beating it to death.
Then the alien hordes arrive, and two things quickly become obvious: beating up random animals is a dick move; and that a south London council estate is not the best place to start an invasion!

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The Toolbox Murders (2004)

This is an edited version of the review I wrote for the  VideoNastyAWeek blog, which I contribute to year-round.

A young couple move into an Hollywood apartment complex, with paper-thin walls, and it isn't long before she starts hearing things -  but not just the sex-noises and call-back rehearsals one might expect to hear in a shitty apartment... She becomes convinced that she hears an actual murder. When her neighbours start to go missing, and no-one else will listen, she takes it upon her self to work out what's going on... And why every floor is missing room 04...

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Lifeforce

A manned mission to examine Halley's comet finds an alien craft traveling in it's wake.
Aboard the craft are thousands of dead bat like creatures, and 3 apparently human creatures - 2 men and a woman, each in stasis chambers, which are removed and placed aboard the shuttle.
When the shuttle crash lands, the crew are dead and the in-flight records wiped, Things go further awry when the 3 beings from the alien craft awaken...

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The Revenge of Billy the Kid

The McDonald's, Ma and Pa (Gretta and Giles) and their three adult children (Sons Ronald and Ronald, and daughter, Ronald "Ronnie") are the sole inhabitants of a farm island just off the coast of England.
When the family goat starts waning on her milk production, Giles is instructed to take her to the mainland and get her 'a good seeing to' - drunk (as always) on his home made scrumpy, he takes a shine to the goat, and saves them both a boat ride...
When the mutant goat baby is born, Ronald (the girl Ronald - do
Keep up) stops her father from killing him, and names him Billy.
When Pa has finally had enough of Billy's antics, he drowns him in a sack in the lake.
But Billy didn't die...

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The Blob (1988)

A meteor crashes on the outskirts of a small town, containing a near-formless creature; a pink blob.
The blob is hungry, grows when it eats, and it's favourite food... is us.

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Tourist Trap

When some friends on vacation break down off the beaten, they walk to a gas station with a (now defunct) wax museum.
The museums owner quickly befriends them and agrees to help get their car running.
As if the museum's many mannequins (built by the owners brother before he moved to the city to work for a real waxworks) weren't creepy enough, it isn't long before they are one by one terrorised by a telekinetic masked madman.

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Dark Floors

An Hospital elevator breaks down with 6 people on board (A security guard, a nurse, a self-centred business man, a older male patient, an autistic girl and her father), when it starts working again, the doors open on an abandoned hospital, with no apparent way out. Movements in the shadows and on reflections soon turn out to be more than tricks of the light.

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Them (Ils)

A couple are attacked in their own home by a gang of youths in hoodies.

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Granny

While a group of well-to-do 20-something are holding a get-together to welcome a new member, the conversation turns to fears.
The host announces that he has prepared a "skit" to demonstrate his fear, and asks everyone to leave while he sets everything up.
On returning, the group are terrorised by someone in an old-lady dress and novelty-store old lady mask.

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Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

WARNING:
although this movie has been tagged as "Recommended" I am not claiming it is a "good" film. It is not. 
I do, however, strongly suggest you see it, and it is so utterly... mad, that it would be a shame to miss it.

A demoniacally charged bed eats people while the soul of a man watches from his own personal limbo behind a painting in the same basement.
Although it's been years since the bed last ate enough to be satisfied, there is something about one of the three girls who have stepped into it's lair that makes it reticent to make a meal of her.

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Death Tube

A snuff gameshow site "Deathtube" appears on the internet only a couple of times a year, and never for more than a week; routed through several off-shore servers, law enforcement (if they even know about it) are apparently powerless to track down the site's runners.
Soon after hearing about it, our hero wakes up on-set, he soon learns he is one of 8 'Players', are the games (as they claim to be) co-operative, or are they actually competitive? how many of the players can survive, and how many are allowed to?

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Phantom of the Paradise

Songwriter, Winslow, is double crossed by the worlds hottest record producer, Swan, then badly scarred and presumed killed while attempting to get revenge. Returning as a masked 'Phantom' to ruin Swan's new club / theatre, Winslow sets about making sure no one but Phoenix (Jessica Harper), will ever sing the music that Swan has stolen from him.

It's not long though, before he is tempted into making a deal with Swan, and signing a contract that will cost him far more than he bargained for, as there is more to Swan than the world knows...

Phantom of The Opera, meets Faust, Rocky Horror style (and there's another classic of English literature in there for good measure too, but to name it would be to give a spoiler) in a 70's rock musical satire of the music industry.

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Kill Kieth

The Male co-presenter of popular Breakfast TV show "The Crack of Dawn" is leaving, with his replacement set to take over from him during the special Halloween show... and a serial killer (Dubbed "The Breakfast-Serial Killer") is killing off Z-List celebrities, all of whom just happen to have been short-listed as possible new hosts.
The List includes Joe Pasquale, the titicular Keith (Chegwin) and  Rustle Grant (all playing themselves) and Tony Blackburn (played, without explanation, by a 20 something from Hollyoaks)
I swear I am not fucking making this up!

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The Baby

A social worker is transferred to her newest case - Baby Wadsworth (Yes, "Baby" is actually his name).
Baby lives with his Mother and two adult sisters, and does all the things a healthy baby does - He sleeps in his cot, plays with his teddy, soils his nappy, drinks up his milk, he gurgles and giggles and cried and scream; He'd be just like any other baby... if he weren't a man in his 30s!

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